The Jeffries Plan
The frustration with government ineptitude in handling the Katrina Crisis is increasing. Here’s the Ron K. Jeffries Plan to focus our government so they’ll take adequate action.
Call a special session of Congress. Gather the Supreme Court, all cabinet officials, the President and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs all in the main chambers of the House of Representatives. Have all their families also present, including pregnant women about to give birth, infants in neonatal care, toddlers and especially their grandparents.
If any of this group has medical training, put them in separate quarters so they cannot help.
Lock and bar the doors.
Turn off electricity.
Remove all food and medicine.
Disable the air conditioning.
Jam cell phones.
Flood the building but leave just enough room for many but not all the attendees to struggle to the higher ground.
Dump truckloads of decaying flesh in the water.
Take the contents of several septic tanks and pump it into the room.
Wait 12 hours, with no communications. And no food, no drinkable water, with the temperature maintained between 95 and 100F.
Then, every 30 minutes, turn on the lights for 45 seconds. Let these very rich and very powerful people see their babies, toddlers, kids, spouses and elders at risk of horrible disease or death. Unfortunately, some will have already died. Others will be screaming because of injuries. Ask over loudspeakers whether Congress, the Senate, the President, the Supreme Court, the Cabinet and the Joint Chiefs have developed a rescue plan.
If the answer is no, tell them we’ll ask again in 30 minutes. Inject chemical fumes, release a few dozen snakes, start a couple of fires and allow an armed gang of crack heads who have not had a fix for 48 hours to go in and check their wallets.
Televise the entire event, using night vision equipment.
After no more than 72 hours we’ll have government officials with a PASSION to solve the Katrina Crisis. Maybe they’ll appoint Rudy Giuliani to guide us through this disaster.
It can’t happen soon enough.